My Life As Tanja

All I can say is that...I am Exhausted! I cleaned my whole kitchen.. which really wasn't all that dirty, Keith had just washed the floors and I have been keeping up with the counters and dishes... this should have taken me like 30 min right? Try 4 hours. Yes, I said 4 hours. When is the last time you thought about cleaning the base bored in your house? When was the last time you went through that Tupperware cabinet? Or better yet, when was the last time you cleaned the outside of your cabinets? Yeah, I can tell you that it hasn't been done in my house for quite some time. I really am enjoying the outcome. My kitchen some how feels more open.... which I really like. If I was using this guide for deep cleaning and picked another cleaning schedule I don't think this would have been as exhausting as it was today. Would have just been a guide to clean my kitchen with. Below is the list of things that I had to do today. I checked them all off of my list-- which was nice, ...

Every mom is different. No one way to be a parent is the right way. I am sure that there are moms out there that would look at the things that I do and think " that is just a bunch of bulls**t", and you know what... your probably right. This parenting thing did not come with a manual.  Everyday I try my best. Keith and I make decisions about what type of people we want our children to be. We agree that they should be kind, respectful, honest and helpful people. Everything we do it to make sure that they are better than us.  When we talk about parenting we can not help but think about our own parents. We think about our own child hoods. Keith and I come from two COMPLETELY different upbringings. My mother was a single parent, and Keith grew up in a 2 parent house hold. Talk about different.  We tend to agree on most things that are child related... now our relationship.. well that's a different story... for another day lol.  What we normally agree to do...

I am a planner... that is just the truth of it. I plan things. I used to be really crazy about it and plan as much as I could, but having kids taught me that I couldn't... well sorta. Growing up it was just my mom, my sister, me, and my brother, she was married twice in my life, and her last marriage was to the man i CHOSE to be my Dad. I was made to be a Daddy's girl... 100%- but quite honestly, my Mom is my best friend... and honestly... she did better as Mom and Dad then any man could have done with her. A few years ago, my biological father came into my life. After missing for 20 years of it... I was pregnant with my son at the time.. he spent the next few years coming in and out of my life. It was really difficult for me to go through all the emotions. A few years in... it really started to effect me. I could feel myself being sad.... I ,knew that I was feeling depressed. I told Keith that I needed to go to therapy, he didn't really understand, because growing up, ...

Even though at this time I am technically unemployed from my " full time job" I now find myself in a world that actually seems to be more difficult. As I have previously mentioned it has never been in my mind to be a stay at home mom, I like to work. I like to get dressed in my nice cloths, put makeup on for others to see, and go mean something at work. I never thought my calling was to be home with my kiddos full time. However, the other day we were sitting down to dinner with my fiance who is still working in an office, because he is considered essential, and my kids could not wait to tell them about the day they had... WITH ME! I could not begin to tell you how incredibly happy that moment made me. The kids were talking about what mommy was doing and all the fun she came up with them. Now, please don't get it twisted, I'm not a dead beat mom, I pay attention to my kids lol. But like I previously stated, Dad is normally the "fun one". I like to take m...

T hat is right, you read that right, i'm a failure. Well maybe not in the way that you think, but I am. I have failed myself. So much more than I truly wish to admit! How you may ask? Well, i failed myself with all of my self doubt. Ugh, self doubt is the worst. I constant think that what i am doing isn't right. It's either not good enough, or dumb, or not going to work. Like this blog for instance, I started this in JUNE 2019.... yes... JUNE... and here I am in March of the next year(2020), with a blog that had one post to it.. and I never published it... because.. of self doubt... If everyone around me can see how great and wonderful I am, then why is it so hard for me to do the same? Why can I not see that I am a complete and total bad ass boss lady who deserves everything her( hidden) heart desires want? So you see... i'm a failure to myself. I have failed my heart. I can not tell you how sad I am as a write this. To tell my truth and set it out into the uni...

Let me make one this very clear. I ALWAYS wanted to be a mom...but I NEVER wanted to be a stay at home mom. Now, there is nothing wrong with being a stay at home mom, but I never felt like it was my calling. I wanted to work... I wanted to provide for my family. But I always wanted to be the mom that goes to PTA meetings, and helps out when needed with the teacher. I wanted to volunteer for field trips. I wanted to be all the the things my mother couldn't be because she was a single mother. I find myself in the time when all this COVID-19 craziness is happening that I got laid off from my job. And just like that I am a stay at home mom. I have to say, that I am really enjoying the kids at home. I am finally able to be the " fun one"! if you are a momma and daddy duo then you know... dad is the fun one.. mom is the one for rules and saying NO. Now here I am planning fun activities for my kids and entertaining lunches-- which I always do, but I get to see them enjoy...

Yes, you read that right, my name is Tanja... with a "J" in it, my mother liked the name Tanya, and my biological father wanted to make it different and add a J to it. Also, it is notable that my mother also gave my siblings common names with weird spellings. Needless to say, I wont be seeing my name on a coke bottle anytime soon. As interesting as that is I am sure, my other names that I have been given are the more important part of this story... well... come to think of it.. its not-- but that story is for another time. My other names are: Mom - i have two kiddos. Carter is 9 almost 10. Alexis is 6(Turing 16 lol) Employee - I work for a small family owned  and operated company, and t hey are great. Daughter - My mom is one of my closest friends. I can truly call her about close to anything and I will always get some type of answer, even if its not something that I always want to hear. Fiance - This is a new one for me. Keith and I have been dating for almost 10 yea...