Keeping It Spicy!

How Do You Keep Your Relationship Spicy?

 After 10 years of being together honestly, Keith and I have to work on being present in our relationship a lot. Especially because we were young parents,our whole relationship is surrounded around our kids. We literally have to make time to work on our relationship. We didn't really know each other too well when we had our first child together so when we decided to make it work, we were both still in our early 20's and didn't understand that the other person has needs in a relationship. Weither those needs were emotional or sexual.. they were not being met.. for either of us.

Men and Sex 

Men learn everything about sex from pornography, and if you ask the woman in your life she will tell you that the orgasm the girl in the pretzel of a pose is faking it. Sure the reaction to sex is real.. but that BIG orgasm is all acting. Men learn to just stick it in and make it work... HELLO... have you ever heard of four play?? Oh and don't even get me started on the four play.. its a total disaster! Yes... we do need to be turned on.. and no, telling me about how much you want me doesn't do it for me. Men, please take your time... get to know your ladies body.. what spots make her jump and quiver. Also, please know that your lady knows all those things about you. Honestly, men and woman are not that different... we BOTH want to be sexually aroused and pleased. We all want it.. we should be working to make it good for each other.

Woman and Love

Woman Learn about love from movies( or maybe books if you me). We think that the men that are being portrayed in these stories are how men in love should act! If  you ask the man in your life about the love stories we hold so dear they will tell that that those stories aren't true and its unrealistic. The men in the movies are HUNKS.. but they are designed to be that way. Those men in the movies teach us at such a young age of a love that is unreachable. Ladies, in the words of Elsa( Frozen), LET IT GO! We do not live in a Disney movie! You don't need to be saved by a man, he is NOT prince charming! Expecting that from the man of your dreams will be just that... YOUR DREAMS!  The man of your dreams is not always the person you think it's going to be. Sometimes the man of your dreams comes out of no where... sometimes it doesn't work the first time you are together. However it goes... be realistic in your love life.. accept that your parent will have flaws and he will love yours just like you love his.

Figuring It Out Together 

So, where do you go from here? Where do you learn about good sex and a great emotional connection? Well... what works for me wont work for everyone.. but its a good start.. because its the best start... good old trial and error PLUS  a healthy cup of honesty.

Yes.. honesty. If you cant be honest with your partner and tell them when something doesn't feel good or it feels great.. then this wont work. Let me tell you something... I still have a hard time with that... telling Keith that what he is doing works and doesn't work is scary for me.. it almost feels like hes trying so hard and I told him hes not doing a good enough job... which is a turn off!

Sometimes, its about more than sex... sometimes keeping our relationship spicy is about FUN. We play games like beer pong or we make up games- which Keith is way better at making up than I am. Sometimes we just sit with a snack and listen to music together. The TV does nothing for us... it never has. In fact if the TV goes on when it's just us, it is kind of our clear sign that the night is NOT going to be spicy. Now, let me say this before everyone gets crazy... there is nothing wrong with TV... but for Keith and I it just will not be a night that we expect anything other than a good laugh and being in each other presence.

Intimacy has always been a serious conversation for us, I think that has a lot to do with the fact that we were so young when our relationship started and didn't understand any of the things that I have mentioned above. We are always learning and growing with each other... it's not easy... but I think that were OK with working for the spicy part of our relationship... if anything... it makes us more creative with each other.

Ok tell me what are some ways that you keep your relationship spicy?

love ya! 💗