Being Ok With Letting Go
I am a planner... that is just the truth of it. I plan things. I used to be really crazy about it and plan as much as I could, but having kids taught me that I couldn't... well sorta.
Growing up it was just my mom, my sister, me, and my brother, she was married twice in my life, and her last marriage was to the man i CHOSE to be my Dad. I was made to be a Daddy's girl... 100%- but quite honestly, my Mom is my best friend... and honestly... she did better as Mom and Dad then any man could have done with her.
A few years ago, my biological father came into my life. After missing for 20 years of it... I was pregnant with my son at the time.. he spent the next few years coming in and out of my life. It was really difficult for me to go through all the emotions. A few years in... it really started to effect me. I could feel myself being sad.... I ,knew that I was feeling depressed. I told Keith that I needed to go to therapy, he didn't really understand, because growing up, therapy wasn't a thing in his family.
Keith just wants me to be happy, always. He will do whatever is needed in order to see me happy. The curve for learning about mental health was real for him. As I started to learn that this chaotic relationship with my biological father was making my OCD act up, and my need to control things and the people around me grew the more anxious I become. My life on the outside looked like roses... but we all know that roses really smell like poo poo poo( thank you OutKast) I was dying on the inside.
My therapist told me I needed to let go.. I cried on the outside and laughed on the inside. If it was that easy, I would already have done it. Duhh!! She then clearly asked me what am I going to lose if i let go of this toxic person... I don't know why this clicked in my head... I didn't have a clear answer as to why I couldn't... the more I thought about it, the more I realized that I could. I went home that night and decided that I was going to let this relationship with my biological father go.
Honestly, it was hard... really hard... but I felt 1000 times lighter. From then on I kept thinking about what this therapist had to say to me... what did I have to lose by letting go...
It became clear to me that letting go was a part of the process of life, and how I dealt with it was going to be the real struggle through out this whole journey. I got better at it, I'm not an expert in this whatsoever. Let me tell you that statement has truly saved me from going insane in my work place. As someone who does not known for being relaxed.. I have truly be able to do that at work.... it becomes a place where I feel a sense of calm?
Don't judge me on that statement, yes I said it, work can become a place of calm. I think it has more to do with the fact, that I'm not the only crazy organized person.
Letting go at home,well that's another project, and I am ok with it, because I am a work in progress.
Growing up it was just my mom, my sister, me, and my brother, she was married twice in my life, and her last marriage was to the man i CHOSE to be my Dad. I was made to be a Daddy's girl... 100%- but quite honestly, my Mom is my best friend... and honestly... she did better as Mom and Dad then any man could have done with her.
A few years ago, my biological father came into my life. After missing for 20 years of it... I was pregnant with my son at the time.. he spent the next few years coming in and out of my life. It was really difficult for me to go through all the emotions. A few years in... it really started to effect me. I could feel myself being sad.... I ,knew that I was feeling depressed. I told Keith that I needed to go to therapy, he didn't really understand, because growing up, therapy wasn't a thing in his family.
Keith just wants me to be happy, always. He will do whatever is needed in order to see me happy. The curve for learning about mental health was real for him. As I started to learn that this chaotic relationship with my biological father was making my OCD act up, and my need to control things and the people around me grew the more anxious I become. My life on the outside looked like roses... but we all know that roses really smell like poo poo poo( thank you OutKast) I was dying on the inside.
My therapist told me I needed to let go.. I cried on the outside and laughed on the inside. If it was that easy, I would already have done it. Duhh!! She then clearly asked me what am I going to lose if i let go of this toxic person... I don't know why this clicked in my head... I didn't have a clear answer as to why I couldn't... the more I thought about it, the more I realized that I could. I went home that night and decided that I was going to let this relationship with my biological father go.
Honestly, it was hard... really hard... but I felt 1000 times lighter. From then on I kept thinking about what this therapist had to say to me... what did I have to lose by letting go...
It became clear to me that letting go was a part of the process of life, and how I dealt with it was going to be the real struggle through out this whole journey. I got better at it, I'm not an expert in this whatsoever. Let me tell you that statement has truly saved me from going insane in my work place. As someone who does not known for being relaxed.. I have truly be able to do that at work.... it becomes a place where I feel a sense of calm?
Don't judge me on that statement, yes I said it, work can become a place of calm. I think it has more to do with the fact, that I'm not the only crazy organized person.
let me reiterate that on... IT IS OK TO BE A WORK IN PROGRESS.
I was not made to be perfect. I was made with things to work on. I know that. It is my purpose to teach my children that they do not need to be perfect. There are days where my anxiety runs on high and I want to control every little thing that is in front of me- most time when that happens I tend to clean. Other times, I cry... I cry to keith and he just lets me go... he lets me cry and rubs my back...Sometimes it even puts me into a depression... and I dont realize that I am in it, until I wonder "Why am I so Sad?"
What I saying is that... it is ok to let things go... it is ok to let go and let god( or whoever your higher power is). It's also ok to not to be ok with it... maybe your just not ready.. and HEY... thats ok.
Till Tomorrow. Love Ya 💗
Yes ... it is definitely ok to be a work in progress!
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