My Life As Tanja

This is the face of someone who needs a break. Yes I said it... I need a break. This quarantine really has got me stressed out. Yes, I know that I am not the only one, however for this moment I am saying that.. I NEED A BREAK!  A break from my kids, my fiance, my job.. everything honestly. Also, it's totally ok to say this. NOt everything is peaches and cream right now. I just feel overwhelmed and frustrated more than ever.  This is the face of someone who has depression. Sure do have this... in fact right now is probably the worst that it has been in a long time. When Keith told me that what I think is how I am when I'm depressed is how I've been behaving regularly.. well then.. its time to get some professional help. So I made an appointment with the doctor. I am happy to report that I am on a better path and should start feeling better soon.  This the face of someone who wants more out of life. Duhh! how could I not? I'm 30 years old and of course I don't feel li...

I Am A Girl With Curves  I would much rather stay that way if I am being honest. Now there is nothing wrong with a skinny chick... but I would much rather be a curve than a straight line. Do I love every part of my body? No... but I love myself.  This is not to bash someone who is thin... LORD KNOWS... once upon a time I wanted to be thin... I wanted to be like the woman in magazines and movies.. they always seem to be so confident in their body. It wasn't until I was older that I realized that they weren't and I was more confident in my body then most of them. I am not everyone's cup of tea.. and that is ok...I am just like every other woman on the planet, some days are better than others. Some day I want to be thin.. and other days I'm ok with my body.    Of course I want to be healthy... and I think that this is the great myth of plus size woman.. is that were not healthy... Maybe I am not in the best health out there.. but every day I try and make bett...

Schools Out? I n the state of Pennsylvania where I live, our Governor has declared that schools will remain closed for the rest of the year... yeah.. that just happened. Not sure about you mommas out there, but I am not a teacher. I do not have the patience to teach kindergarten and 4th grade... I don't remember them at all. PLUS all the learning has changed. What used to be math is now common core math. I guess the point of common core math is to make the kids look at solving problems? I don't know... but I do know.. I am not the person to teach it. I usually think that I am a patient person, but for some reason... not when it comes to school work.. I just.. I don't have it lol. I know that the teachers and the school districts are doing their best.. I mean, no one expected a pandemic to happen-- or did you? ( just kidding) Unsung Hero's We all know that the hero's in the world right now are the healthcare system and anyone who is e...

Keeping It Simple Is Best Something I have learned from cooking for my family for the years is that the easier I make the meals for my family the more willing they are to eat things. For a refresher my 2 kids are 6 and 9.. they have very different tastes in food. Carter is a total meat eater, if he didn't have to eat a veggie for his whole entire life he would be so ok with that.. especially green beans.. those could all die off of the planet and he would live on happily ever after lol. Alexis started out as a total vegetarian.. slowly she has allowed more than chicken into her diet.. but her love for veggies has not gone away. I never forced my kids to eat what they don't like, but I never stopped introducing and offering the item to them. Instead of offering a huge portion of something (like green beans), I will give small baby sized portions of the item. I will also tell my kids that their taste buds change all the time and maybe they don't like something a week...

How Do You Keep Your Relationship Spicy?  After 10 years of being together honestly, Keith and I have to work on being present in our relationship a lot. Especially because we were young parents,our whole relationship is surrounded around our kids. We literally have to make time to work on our relationship. We didn't really know each other too well when we had our first child together so when we decided to make it work, we were both still in our early 20's and didn't understand that the other person has needs in a relationship.  Weither   those needs were emotional or sexual.. they were not being met.. for either of us. Men and Sex  Men learn everything about sex from pornography, and if you ask the woman in your life she will tell you that the orgasm the girl in the pretzel of a pose is faking it. Sure the reaction to sex is real.. but that BIG orgasm is all acting. Men learn to just stick it in and make it work... HELLO... have you ever heard of four play?? ...

The Struggle Is Real Out Here. I am not sure about any of my other moms( and dads) out there... but I am seriously struggling with all of this. It is not necessarily the whole quarantined thing, honestly I get it. This is all about how I feel on the inside because of this.  I love change, in fact whenever I can change something to hopefully make things better I completely embrace it. I love routine and I love to make a new system more and more productive.  Honestly, since like 2 weeks ago... I feel totally out of control of the change. I get it, no one was prepped for this, and logically this statement makes total sense... but emotionally I feel TERRIBLE .  The Mom Guilt is Real I am not Super mom and I know this, but why do I want to seem like I am?Why is everything in front of me so much more important? Why am I not giving myself the space to do the things that are important to me? What is even important to me at this time?  I mainly think it is beca...

Ok, lets have a chat... in this current time... are you team schedule or team no schedule? Is it better for you and your family to be on a schedule or just roam around and be free? This is a question I see asked a lot recently. Especially while parents who have become stay at home parents that used to not be one- this includes Me and my family. So the Questions remains... to schedule your time or not to schedule your time?? For me and my Family, we are team schedule.  The reason for that would be because I am an control freak hahaha ok....well that's true and all.. but honestly it is because my kids do better on a schedule then off on one. And really that's all that matters. We break our day up into time blocks. Its really helpful for the kids to know that at certain times they have certain responsibilities. It also helps teach my kids about time management... if they only have certain amount of time to do things then they will learn to make choices to fit that time....

Here we are... we have come to the end of our cleaning journey... Today is Sunday...I have finished what I wanted to finish... the amount of cleaning I have done over the last few days is absolutely crazy. I can not believe that I needed to do that much! Cleaning the first day was the kitchen, it took me HOURS to clean it. Which is crazy to me.. because I clean it very often lol.. but not the way that this list had me cleaning it. after wiping down the base boards and the cabinets and cleaning the fridge( again)...I was ready for a nap! hahaha! Cleaning my living room on day 2 wasn't that long... not sure what I did so different... maybe I was just aware of how much more work I would have to do for that room therefore I was prepped better. I did a lot of cleaning, it was great... even my kids noticed that the house was starting to look newer, which is always nice. Oh, and also, my vacuum broke.... I had to go buy a new one right in the middle of this. Now, I don't have too ...

The day after my Birthday and I have TONS to talk about!! How can I start this post without recognizing the obvious... I turned 30 years old and it was the quarantine. For those of you living under a rock... right now our EARTH is trying to survive a pandemic known as COVID-19 or The Coronavirus... it is a respiratory virus that is very contagious. Because of this most of the state that I live in is shut down. We are in self quarantine going on almost 1 month already... and there is talk of it going on for much longer. Any who... this is not about the virus, it is about me.. OF COURSE. My birthday this year was filled with a bit of reflection honestly. Having children so young has been difficult. I missed out on things in my twenties...it is ok, I love being a mom... but I can't help but think about my life the other way sometimes. Keith and I always say that we are prepping for 30. This age milestone seemed to be super important to us. After struggling for the last 10 years....

Day 4 and 5 were Strange... I think that had to do with the fact that I went back to work and I had to clean around my work scheduled... Which doesn't seem hard, but it is. There is almost no way to scrub the toilet and call a carrier about a payment for an insured. lol Like I said in my last post. I am giving myself grace. I am allowing myself to be a work in progress.. so let me tell you how the last two days went... Day 4 : The Kids Room So honestly, I don't really clean the kids room. The kids are in charge of cleaning their own room. Keith I feel that it is important for them to take care of their belongings. It teaches them to respect their things and the people that get them for them. So, I did not really clean their room. I think that later on during the weekend I will be cleaning underneath their beds... because well who knows what is underneath that lol. Day 5 : The Bathroom Here is the deal, I live at home with two males... cleaning the bathroom regularly is...

So i missed a day of posting about this, ok well in my defense... #momlife called me. lol In the meantime, I also went back to work full time. My job initially laid me off for 8-10 weeks and then a week into the lay off I got a call to come back. Oh and then... my Fiance, who is an essential employee got sent home to work. So now there are 4 of us in my apartment trying to be respectful, tidy, healthy and safe together.... oh and a cat.  Day 2 of Cleaning was my living room area. Honestly, it didn't take my as long as my kitchen. I move all the pieces out of the way and swept the floors and cleaned the based boards- which again was something that I had never done. The when I went to clean out the couches, I realized that my vacuum was busted.... ugh! What a time for a broken vacuum! So I bought a new one with target pick up lol. At the time I'm writing this 2 days later than the day I cleaned the living room, I still have to go back and clean the furniture out lol. At the e...

Yes, the title is scary. I turn 30 on April 6th... Although with all of this pandemic stuff happening, not sure that I will actually have a celebrations. Maybe instead I'll have an  Un-Birthday when this is all over...  ehhh lol who knows. That is not what this post is about. This post is a list of things that I wish that I had done prior to turning 30 years old... the NON Mom version. 5 Things I Wish I Did Before Turning 30 1. Buy a house I wish that I had bought a starter home, would have made the process after having children and being in a relationship a whole lot easier.  2. Saved and put  $10,000.00 in the Bank Having money in the bank would just make life easier in general. That safety nest would have made life so much easier. I cant tell you the  amount of things that could have changed if I had a safety net like this.  3. Gotten a college degree Ok, so I did not go to college. I have always said that I knew myself enough to kno...

All I can say is that...I am Exhausted! I cleaned my whole kitchen.. which really wasn't all that dirty, Keith had just washed the floors and I have been keeping up with the counters and dishes... this should have taken me like 30 min right? Try 4 hours. Yes, I said 4 hours. When is the last time you thought about cleaning the base bored in your house? When was the last time you went through that Tupperware cabinet? Or better yet, when was the last time you cleaned the outside of your cabinets? Yeah, I can tell you that it hasn't been done in my house for quite some time. I really am enjoying the outcome. My kitchen some how feels more open.... which I really like. If I was using this guide for deep cleaning and picked another cleaning schedule I don't think this would have been as exhausting as it was today. Would have just been a guide to clean my kitchen with. Below is the list of things that I had to do today. I checked them all off of my list-- which was nice, ...

Every mom is different. No one way to be a parent is the right way. I am sure that there are moms out there that would look at the things that I do and think " that is just a bunch of bulls**t", and you know what... your probably right. This parenting thing did not come with a manual.  Everyday I try my best. Keith and I make decisions about what type of people we want our children to be. We agree that they should be kind, respectful, honest and helpful people. Everything we do it to make sure that they are better than us.  When we talk about parenting we can not help but think about our own parents. We think about our own child hoods. Keith and I come from two COMPLETELY different upbringings. My mother was a single parent, and Keith grew up in a 2 parent house hold. Talk about different.  We tend to agree on most things that are child related... now our relationship.. well that's a different story... for another day lol.  What we normally agree to do...

I am a planner... that is just the truth of it. I plan things. I used to be really crazy about it and plan as much as I could, but having kids taught me that I couldn't... well sorta. Growing up it was just my mom, my sister, me, and my brother, she was married twice in my life, and her last marriage was to the man i CHOSE to be my Dad. I was made to be a Daddy's girl... 100%- but quite honestly, my Mom is my best friend... and honestly... she did better as Mom and Dad then any man could have done with her. A few years ago, my biological father came into my life. After missing for 20 years of it... I was pregnant with my son at the time.. he spent the next few years coming in and out of my life. It was really difficult for me to go through all the emotions. A few years in... it really started to effect me. I could feel myself being sad.... I ,knew that I was feeling depressed. I told Keith that I needed to go to therapy, he didn't really understand, because growing up, ...

Even though at this time I am technically unemployed from my " full time job" I now find myself in a world that actually seems to be more difficult. As I have previously mentioned it has never been in my mind to be a stay at home mom, I like to work. I like to get dressed in my nice cloths, put makeup on for others to see, and go mean something at work. I never thought my calling was to be home with my kiddos full time. However, the other day we were sitting down to dinner with my fiance who is still working in an office, because he is considered essential, and my kids could not wait to tell them about the day they had... WITH ME! I could not begin to tell you how incredibly happy that moment made me. The kids were talking about what mommy was doing and all the fun she came up with them. Now, please don't get it twisted, I'm not a dead beat mom, I pay attention to my kids lol. But like I previously stated, Dad is normally the "fun one". I like to take m...

T hat is right, you read that right, i'm a failure. Well maybe not in the way that you think, but I am. I have failed myself. So much more than I truly wish to admit! How you may ask? Well, i failed myself with all of my self doubt. Ugh, self doubt is the worst. I constant think that what i am doing isn't right. It's either not good enough, or dumb, or not going to work. Like this blog for instance, I started this in JUNE 2019.... yes... JUNE... and here I am in March of the next year(2020), with a blog that had one post to it.. and I never published it... because.. of self doubt... If everyone around me can see how great and wonderful I am, then why is it so hard for me to do the same? Why can I not see that I am a complete and total bad ass boss lady who deserves everything her( hidden) heart desires want? So you see... i'm a failure to myself. I have failed my heart. I can not tell you how sad I am as a write this. To tell my truth and set it out into the uni...

Let me make one this very clear. I ALWAYS wanted to be a mom...but I NEVER wanted to be a stay at home mom. Now, there is nothing wrong with being a stay at home mom, but I never felt like it was my calling. I wanted to work... I wanted to provide for my family. But I always wanted to be the mom that goes to PTA meetings, and helps out when needed with the teacher. I wanted to volunteer for field trips. I wanted to be all the the things my mother couldn't be because she was a single mother. I find myself in the time when all this COVID-19 craziness is happening that I got laid off from my job. And just like that I am a stay at home mom. I have to say, that I am really enjoying the kids at home. I am finally able to be the " fun one"! if you are a momma and daddy duo then you know... dad is the fun one.. mom is the one for rules and saying NO. Now here I am planning fun activities for my kids and entertaining lunches-- which I always do, but I get to see them enjoy...

Yes, you read that right, my name is Tanja... with a "J" in it, my mother liked the name Tanya, and my biological father wanted to make it different and add a J to it. Also, it is notable that my mother also gave my siblings common names with weird spellings. Needless to say, I wont be seeing my name on a coke bottle anytime soon. As interesting as that is I am sure, my other names that I have been given are the more important part of this story... well... come to think of it.. its not-- but that story is for another time. My other names are: Mom - i have two kiddos. Carter is 9 almost 10. Alexis is 6(Turing 16 lol) Employee - I work for a small family owned  and operated company, and t hey are great. Daughter - My mom is one of my closest friends. I can truly call her about close to anything and I will always get some type of answer, even if its not something that I always want to hear. Fiance - This is a new one for me. Keith and I have been dating for almost 10 yea...